American Mothers Rock! A tribute.

By Dr. Randy Arrington

Ever since the thirteen original British Colonies became a free nation on this continent, so-called scholars have argued over which variables elevated the United States of America into greatness, and its current superpower status. Some of the usual arguing points are: freedom, virtue, values, morals, capitalist economics, rational thought, politicians, government, religion, compassion, self-reliance, rugged individualism, incentive, ingenuity, determination, and military power.

I would like to argue that the undergirding foundation of American greatness incorporates each and every one of these important components into her basic character. American Mothers are a huge determining factor in our status and longevity as a great nation, and as we are nurtured into adulthood, our fabulous Moms deserve much more credit than they normally receive.

For instance:

Mom stands as a beacon of freedom as she gives us an umbrella of liberty, underneath which we can make all sorts of mistakes to learn from. She even lets us wear that Che Guevara T-Shirt in public then in private, teaches us the true facts about this ruthless, Communist Revolutionary.

Mom teaches us virtue when we are forced to admit we did not actually brush our teeth for bed but merely ran water over the toothbrush. And if we ever lie to her again, she promises to wash out mouth out with lye soap.

Mom injects us with proper values when she makes us mow the lawn instead of playing video games on a Saturday afternoon. Then as a reward, she buys us the latest “Call to Duty” video game.

Mom shines as a pillar of morals by reminding us to be home by 11:00pm from our date, and is waiting patiently on the couch to monitor our arrival time. She also listens as we attempt that first awkward kiss on the front porch.

Mom teaches us about capitalist economics as she argues with City Hall over our right to operate a lemonade stand on the sidewalk in front of our house. Liberal politicians want to have her arrested and carted off to jail, but they cower in reaction to her solid arguments at the Town Council meeting.

Mom engages in rational thought when she convinces our teacher that we deserve a better grade in English class. And, that she will not allow her children to participate in Common Core because of its mega-liberal bias.

Mom is a politician when she breaks up a sibling squabble then hands each of us a Klondike Bar. She forces her children to hug one another and apologize before handing them that delicious ice cream treat.

Mom governs us when we want to eat another Klondike bar instead of our broccoli at dinner. Sorry President Bush but broccoli is indeed good for us. Mom won’t let us leave the table until we eat every last bite of it, or drop it down to the dog underneath our feet.

Mom fills us with religion every weekend at Church as our Sunday Schoolteacher. She also makes sure we are appropriately dressed to display respect for the church environment.

Mom shows us compassion when patching up a scraped knee from a biking accident in the driveway, or letting us cry on her shoulder after we break up with our significant other. She didn’t really like that liberal punk we were dating anyway.

Mom teaches us self-reliance when she encourages us that we can indeed figure out that last math problem on our own. She also teaches us to wash, dry and fold our own dirty laundry.

Mom shows us how rugged individualism can help mold our character when she makes us walk those twelve long blocks to junior high school. She always reminds us that her grandfather was a “free range” child and had to walk 3 miles to a one-room schoolhouse to receive his six years of formal education.

Mom instills incentive into us when she gives us an extra twenty bucks because we earned all A’s on our most recent report card. She also reminds us of that B- we got last semester in Civics class. That will never happen again, we promised her.

Mom teaches us ingenuity by motivating us to be extra creative with our Science project. She buys all of the raw materials then watches diligently as we create a better mousetrap.

We learn determination from Mom when she helps us with batting practice until its dark outside, and then we get a single and a double in our next Little League game. After the ballgame she treats the entire team to smoothies, even our All Star girl pitcher.

Mom endorses military power as she pins a set of gold Naval Aviator Wings onto the left side of our white uniform shirt. The mere touch of her hand reminds us that she will catch us if ever we fall.

Recently, I’ve also noticed that there are subtle differences between young Moms and Older Moms.

For instance:

Young Moms have a diaper bag in the back seat.
Older Moms have a workout bag in the back seat.

Young Moms have spit up on their blouse.
Older Moms have a gold broach on their blouse.

Young Moms have an extra pack of Baby Wipes in the glove compartment.
Older Moms have energy bars in the glove compartment.

Young Moms have little snacks in their purse.
Older Moms have a handgun in their purse.

Young Moms know all about the high chair recall that hit the news last week.
Older Moms know how to relax in that rocking chair you repaired for her last week.

Young Moms have a college logo on their keychain.
Older Moms have a mace sprayer on their keychain.

Young Moms are the teacher in Sunday School.
Older Moms can’t hear the teacher in Sunday School.

Young Moms wipe the chocolate frosting off your face at your birthday party.
Older Moms call you on your birthday to tell you how much fun she is having in Hawaii.

Young Moms use their Mommy Van to drive you to swim meets and dance class.
Older Moms put the top down on their Porsche and just cruise around blowing off steam.

Young Moms scratch your back to relax and put you to sleep.
Older Moms bring you Ibuprofen so you’ll shut up about your aching back and go sleep.

Young Moms have an unlimited supply of good ice cream.
Older Moms have an unlimited supply of good advice.

Young Moms prevent us from making a mistake so we don’t get hurt.
Older Moms allow us to make a mistake so we can gain a life experience.

Young Moms patch up our scraped knee.
Older Moms patch up our broken heart.

Young Moms get very nervous when we hide from them in a store.
Older Moms wait up for us when we are out on a date.

Young Moms encourage us to peddle our tricycle faster on the sidewalk.
Older Moms encourage us to swing our baseball bat faster in the batting cage.

Young Moms buy us a Sesame Street computer so we can start learning.
Older Moms read our textbooks at the Library so they can help us with homework.

Young Moms stencil your name into your underwear when you go off to summer camp.
Older Moms send you a jar of multivitamins when you are away fighting the War.

Young Moms love and protect their children.
Older Moms love and protect their children even more.

Any woman can give birth but it takes a very special lady to be a Mom.

A very Happy Mother’s Day to all of you Moms out there in America.

Randy Arrington, PhD

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